What is a TCK?
The book Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds is now in its third edition and widely considered the most influential resource to date on understanding TCKs. The authors provide this definition of TCK:
“A traditional third culture kid (TCK) is a person who spends a significant part of his or her first eighteen years of life accompanying parent(s) into a country or countries that are different from at least one parent’s passport country(ies) due to a parent’s choice of work or advanced training.”[1]
The parents of these TCKs may be in the military or diplomatic corps, business, mission organizations, NGO’s, advanced schooling or training, or in international schools as teachers, administrators or staff.
Tanya Crossman, a TCK specialist and consultant, notes that most TCKs who identify with being a TCK will have experienced at least three years living internationally between the ages of 6 or 7 and 17. However, more important than the number of years spent abroad is what individuals feel about their experience. [2]
What exactly is the “third culture?” I’m a TCK who was born in Indonesia of US missionary parents. (That’s me in the photo above when I was about 2 years old!) I went to boarding schools in Indonesia and Malaysia. And then, my wife and I reared three TCKs of our own in Indonesia! However, for the longest time I thought the “third culture” of a TCK referred to a hybrid or in-between culture that – for me – was not quite American and not quite Indonesian. This confusion is common. Some refer to the third culture as a “fusion” of two or more cultures that impacted a person while growing up.
Part of this confusion comes from a loose understanding of the term “culture.” Culture properly refers to the “integrated system of learned patterns of behavior, ideas, and products characteristic of a society.”[3] But for TCKs, the third culture is not really an integrated system of behaviors, ideas and artifacts. It is a relational term. The “culture” consists of the shared experiences with others who have gone through similar life experiences from living internationally. TCKs will express how they can feel comfortable and understood with other TCKs because they just “get it.” They understand. Jeremy, a 22 year old TCK expressed it this way: “I learned what the term ‘third culture’ meant – I was not some weird combination of cultures that didn’t belong anywhere, but [I belonged] to a group who were just like me.”[4]
Life experiences that TCKs often share. Tanya Crossman provides a helpful list of shared TCK experiences in her book, Misunderstood: The Impact of Growing up Overseas in the 21st Century. Her book is full of quotes from a diverse group of TCKs, culled from interviews with over 270 TCKs and from a survey of 744 TCKs. Most of these TCKs were born after 1985.
Familiarity with airports and travel, especially international.
Accumulated losses of leaving friends behind, and of being left by friends.
The strangeness of their ‘home’ country, and the mixed emotions that go with being there.
Funny stories of cultural mistakes – and the embarrassment of making those mistakes.
Being part of a group of friends from different cultural and linguistic backgrounds.
Missing the very things that are supposedly ‘strange’ about their host culture.
Feeling torn between a desire for change and adventure and a desire for rootedness and home.
Confusion about what ‘home’ is.[5]
Two main challenges faced by TCKs and adult TCKs. What Crossman observes about “accumulated losses” and “confusion about where home is” can lead to turmoil and challenge for TCKs. According to David Pollock, Ruth Van Reken and Michael Pollock, the main challenges TCKs and adult TCKs face are: “Finding a sense of personal and cultural identity and dealing with unresolved grief.” This grief results from “chronic cycles of separation and loss.”[6]
Moving, saying goodbye, separation and loss have been a constant in my life. I once tried to count all the places that I have lived globally (both growing up as a TCK and as an adult living internationally for 26 years). I decided to abandon my count when the number of places I had lived in approached 40. Not until I was well into my adult life did I begin to identify the unexpressed and unresolved grief of having to say goodbye so many times, either because I was leaving or others were leaving. I also was not with my parents for much of my growing-up years because I attended boarding schools from age 6. Attending boarding schools also meant that I missed spending time with my older siblings. We five siblings attended two separate boarding schools, one for Grades 1-6 and the other for Grades 7-12. As the youngest child, I was far enough in age from siblings 1-3 that they were either at boarding school when I was not yet in school or at a separate boarding school or in college when I started elementary boarding school. I do have good memories of time with my brother directly above me in age (3 years older), and we siblings did spend most summer and mid-year breaks together.
As I have identified these questions about belonging and the accumulated losses in my life, my desire has grown to come alongside other TCKs and invite them on a similar journey toward flourishing and fruitfulness. This is why I am a life coach for adult TCKs.
TCK strengths and leveraging their feelings of cultural marginality. It is easy to focus on the problems and challenges that TCKs face. For example, on Instagram, I have viewed posts with the hashtags #tckproblems or #thirdculturekidproblems and others that are similar. But I’ve not yet been able to find hashtags for TCK strengths. Many TCKs associate positively with the richness and diversity of their crosscultural experiences. In Tanya Crossman’s research she notes that “over 80% of TCKs surveyed said they were glad to be TCKs; only 2% wished they had not lived abroad. TCKS of all ages resonated more strongly with positive words than with negative words, saying they considered their international upbringing ‘exciting’ (82%), ‘fun’ (79%) and ‘special’ (76%). 90% of TCKs surveyed were thankful for their experiences overseas; 65% said it was a good choice for their family.”[7]
These experiences and perspectives enjoyed by TCKs are numerous. Among them are opportunities to
learn a different language
observe a range of different cultural values and ways of doing things
develop empathy by knowing the life stories of others from very different backgrounds
have adventures and travels that many non-TCKs never even dream of experiencing
Even for those who struggle to find a sense of rootedness, belonging and personal and cultural identity, the opportunities to leverage their global experiences and perspectives can lead to personally rewarding gains. From her experience of counseling TCKs and the globally mobile, adult TCK Lois Bushong urges other therapists to encourage TCKs to use their “cultural marginality” or feeling of being in-between worlds constructively. TCKs can be invited to embrace their multicultural self in the company of others with a similar identity. To do this, Bushong gives some suggestions: a) read or watch documentaries on TCKs to “broaden their minds on what they might do with their future;” b) befriend other TCKs who are using similar skills; c) embrace their full identity rather than compartmentalize it. At the end of her book, Bushong provides some resources.[8]
Sharing our stories. I am heartened by the number of resources that are increasingly available to understand the rich and varied experiences of TCKs as well as the challenges and opportunities that they face. Some of these resources are referenced in this blog. Dive into them. Increase your learning. And … remember that at the core of every TCK is a person whose story is worthy of being heard. Telling our stories and listening to others will evoke memories and emotions that help us connect at the level of a common human experience, whether we are a TCK or not. The sharing of stories can also help us find healing from the hurts of past losses. It can help us embrace our full identity, find fresh meaning and resolve for future direction. Of course, this means we need to listen well and hold safe space for each other, without judgment and with a mixture of curiosity and delight. May it be so.
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[1] David C. Pollock, Ruth E. Van Reken, and Michael Pollock, Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds. Boston, MA: Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 3rd ed, 2017, p. 27.
[2] Tanya Crossman, Misunderstood: The Impact of Growing Up Overseas in the 21st Century, United Kingdom: Summertime Publishing, 2016, pp. 19, 284. The upper age of the overseas experience could extend to 18 years, depending usually on when a TCK completes high school.
[3] Paul G. Hiebert, Cultural Anthropology, Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1983, p. 25.
[4] Crossman, p. 27.
[5] Crossman, p. 25.
[6] Pollock, Van Reken, and Pollock, pp. 80-81.
[7] Crossman, pp. 38-39.
[8] Lois Bushong, in the chapter “Leveraging and Launching TCKs” from her book Belonging Everywhere and Nowhere: Insights into Counseling the Globally Mobile, Indianapolis, Indiana: Mango Tree Intercultural Services, pp. 171-178, 267-269. Bushong refers to a book chapter called “Phoenix Rising: A Question of Cultural Identity” by Barbara Schaetti. The book chapter from Schaetti is available as a separate article at https://www.worldweave.com/BSidentity.html.